Donald Trump has been in the swamp he promised to drain for about eight months now, and guess what he’s found: It’s filled with Republicans!
I’m not saying that just because the GOP owns the swamp these days, with its control of all three branches of our federal government, but because Trump is essentially saying so himself. He’s ripping into members of his own party more than he is the Democrats, who must be privately giddy over the self-destructive nature of this embattled president. If anything’s bothering the Dems, it’s got to be the way Trump is ignoring them, because it has become a celebrity class badge of honor to be insulted in a Trump tweet.
A higher honor one cannot earn in the swamp of our discontent than for the president to call you out with a degrading nickname and blustering insult. It’s a real career builder, and I could use that.
If I could only get his attention with this column, my journalistic career would take off. So bring it on, Mr. Dumpster Trumpster!
Truth be told, I am a great man, white and superior to all around me. I took a million bucks from my old man and turned it into billions of dollars. I’m fabulously wealthy now, owed to nothing more than my incredible skill as a dealmaker.
I am also uniquely qualified to save our country from the disasters created by that foreign-born black guy who can only be described in the most extreme terms, which I’m quite good at.
Doubt my words? That’s OK, because I’m just getting started. If I keep telling the American people how great I am about three or four times a day for, say, 365 days a year, at some point about 25 percent of the voting public will believe me. Then, another 20-25 percent will start liking me because I’m so refreshingly honest. Yes, honest! Honest, honest, honest. Now, just 364 days to go.
With my supporters in place, I will then declare myself ruler of all things and proceed to solve all the world’s problems. But just remember, if something doesn’t get done that I said I’d do, the blame goes into the swamp, and a quarter of America will still believe in me. That’s because no one has ever been as great as me.
It’ll be a bit tougher for my greatness here in New Mexico, however, since this is a blue state that would’ve gone with Trump if it weren’t for the widespread voter fraud instigated by people with birth certificates from foreign lands. Here, one must be more stealth in one’s demeanor.
Like Steve Pearce. He’s a Trumpish fundamentalist, but that won’t get him elected. So he must distance himself from people like Roman Jimenez, the now-former Republican Party chair for Doña Ana County. Trumpites like him won’t help because, well, he was too honest about what he thinks.
I guarantee a lot of people thoroughly agreed with Jimenez’s assessment that, among the leftists out there, “the white ones have been taught to hate their color, the women are taught to hate men, [and] black[s] and minorities want to kill whites and police.” I know a lot of white men support such sentiments, because some of them write me love letters. (Well, I wouldn’t want to call them hate mail because, well, that doesn’t advance my popularity.)
Still, such vitriol won’t work in New Mexico, which is why Jimenez lost his GOP job after trumpeting The Donald’s rhetoric.
A better way in New Mexico is what Gov. Susana Martinez has done. She criticized the Trumpster when he was nothing but a nasty little wannabe, but she’s laid low since his election. It’s what a lot of Republicans are doing these days, laying low, trying not to be associated too closely to this imploding presidency but not speaking out against Trump lest they get called out by the bully in his pulpit. Such courage is noteworthy indeed.
Yes, courage. Courage, courage. That’s what the Big Lie history books will call it. Brave Republicans rose up, they will write, at just the right time, right after Trump completely self-destructed. Yes, it’ll be a great read—and undoubtedly include yours truly, the billionaire journalist from New Mexico who got on board just in time.
And that, dear readers, is the fake news of the day.
Or is it?
Tom McDonald is founder and editor of the New Mexico Community News Exchange. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.