Stuck in a rut

So… I’m in a rut. A big, deep, muddy, been-here-for-so-long rut. An I-don’t-wanna rut. An oh-hell-no-you-can’t-make-me rut.

Allow me to describe this rotten rut further:

In my comfy, cozy rut, I make excuses about why I can’t do this, that, or the other thing. They’re good and convincing excuses.

In my warm fuzzy rut, nobody can make me go outside in the cold when I don’t want to go outside in the cold. My inner “I don’t wanna” runs deep and strong.

In my well-fortified rut, nobody—not even I—can get past my iron-clad reasons why not. Nobody can penetrate the defenses I’ve erected. At best, perhaps you can throw something over the wall by catapult. Good luck.

In this stupid rut, I don’t show up for myself and I blow off commitments that I’ve made to myself, like getting up and working out early to start my day. Which, I might add, I love.

In my self-created rut, I don’t have enough time to do the things I want and need to do for my own health. I’m shielded by the exigencies of my demanding job and the delights of having my children and grandchildren living here, too.

In my convenient rut, I give myself a pass on things I know I need to do. In this maddening rut, I rage at myself but then I still don’t change my habits. Because, you know, rut.

I have lots of ruts; I’m a creature of habit.

But I’m also stubbornly determined to change those habits—and to build ruts (ahem I mean habits) that support my life and health, not undermine it. Even when I feel like nothing is going the way I want it to, I remind myself that this is my quality of life we’re talking about here.

So to bust through these mountainous ruts, I have an experiment I’m going to try for the month of May, after reading an article in Runner’s World: I’m going to close my kitchen after supper.

In the article I read, the person who wrote it closed her kitchen after 7 p.m., but I’m planning to close it after I eat my last meal for the day. My reason and hers are the same. After supper is when my bored eating and emotional eating kicks into gear and I snack mindlessly.

In the article, the author said that she noticed she didn’t want to snack after she had brushed her teeth. And bonus: her kids started to follow the routine also, instead of asking for snacks to accompany their bedtime stories.

I’m closing the kitchen because night time is also when I want to snack, and not only do I want to snack, I want to mainline white sugar. (Okay, okay, that is extreme, but it does feel that way sometimes. Let’s just say that my night sugar cravings are no joke.)

What I hope will happen is that I’ll continue to refine my eating habits, changing those habits little by little until they reflect the healthy lifestyle I choose to adopt.

One final note: I ran across a photo of myself from a few years ago, and just wow. Yes, I do look different. Yes, I have dropped a couple of pant sizes. Yes, my baby steps have taken me somewhere.

One last thing I did today to bust up my current rut: I signed up for a 6 a.m. workout this Friday in Edgewood at the new location of Family Fitness gym.

If you’re in a rut, too, and want to join me, get in touch for the details. You can reach me at 505-286-1212 or independent@lobo.net, or by joining my Facebook group, “I’m Losing It!” I’d love to hear from you.