After 18 years of faithful service, I can’t complain about our Energy Saver Kenmore washer and dryer. They just gave up the ghost and I didn’t even know they were sick; they just died. I did not have a special attachment to them—I tossed in soiled clothes, Tide detergent, set the knob to GO, and left the room. An hour or so later I’d return to pop the clothes in the dryer without so much as a dryer sheet. They still came out dry. It wasn’t personal, just laundry business.

Bill and I went to look for new ones, but with the pandemic, (see how we blame everything on it?), with the pandemic we first visited a lumber, garden and appliance store. They would deliver the third week of October and would not give us the real cost. What they did tell us was a price that was almost the same as our first car. It was used. Despondent and depressed, we came home hoping to see a Time Lord with a T.A.R.D.I.S. who could whip us back to when we could get our standard Sears equipment. But alas, Dr Who was busy fixing the election. He didn’t say when. Then we remembered Baillio’s, an appliance, electronics and mattress company all rolled into one. We gave it a go, and boy, were we impressed! Helpful, polite, and they gave us a set price that included delivery, set up and take away of our dearly departed Kenmores. And the delivery was in two weeks, not two months. The gentlemen who delivered it were quick and efficient, and the laundry room has never looked better. Perfect! Oh, but wait—as they drove off, they gave us our instruction manuals, one 40 pages for the washer and 60 pages for the dryer.

Bill and I can both read, and through 48 years of marriage, two sons and a husband who fishes and hunts, I have done laundry. Bill took one book and I took another. Two and a half hours later, we gave it a try. The dryer has a steam feature on it. My kids never had their clothes ironed and when Will, my engineer, was in third grade he didn’t understand the question of, “What is an iron used for?” He wrote you brand cattle with it. (I was a lousy housewife.) I didn’t look at the machines, I just pointed and said, “Yeah, we’ll take ‘em.”

So, I’d like to share some of my questions. 1. Why does my washer have a Wi-Fi setting? Can you call in your laundry? 2. Why is there a black box on each which can text us? Is it allowed to complain if we put in an extra towel? 3. Why would a 5’1” women buy a stackable set so high she can’t reach the clothes in the dryer without a step stool? 4. Did we figure in the extra stick-up lights we need to read the dials? They come with batteries. And 5. Bill asked, “Do these machines look like Daleks to you?” Those are the evil sentient machines that were Dr Who’s nemesis, if you didn’t know. Our new machines do have a lot of lumps on them, but they really work. I do worry I may be pushed in when I open the door on the bottom. They use less detergent, less water, and I have a stepstool. I still can’t control the time, so I am back to the book.

I am still counting on the Time Lord to appear and let me know how to do it. If you come over and see the British Blue Police Call Box, don’t use your cell phone. My washer is now going steady with Alexis and my dryer keeps saying, “Exterminate, Exterminate.” Roaring Mouse, squeaky clean here. Wash your hands, out.